Friday, October 28, 2005
“Eda! Are you studying?" His father pops up at odd times, looms menacingly and disappears. Its study vacation and the stakes are high. The cane of justice can descend at any moment if he's not careful. On guard, his eyes drift to the novel open in his lap, "Oh God, one more chapter, and I’ll stop."

Read the rest of the anthology.

mr. lobo's healing

Thursday, October 13, 2005

St. Germains High School has got to be my favorite school. When I am old and senile, I will still be telling my grandchildren about St. Germains and the education I partook in. I missed the first day of 10th grade. I managed to get typhoid during that summer vacation and it was a while before my parents would let me out of bed. Since the first day of school was always wasted, it was decided that I didn't need to go. So off I went on the second day to school, only to find that I had ended up in 10 A. St. Germains had about hundred and fifty kids in 10th grade that year, and we were divided up into three classrooms. The 10 A class teacher was Mr. Amal Raj, also called Dubba by those in the know. which was pretty much everyone. We had nicknames for every teacher in school, and the good ones usually stuck around for years. Dubba was one of the good ones, and it had been handed down to us through the years along with the fragments of the legend. All i remember is that it had to do with his lunch box, which was this huge steel tiffin box set that he carried in a bag on his classic indian bicycle. The green one with the bent handle bars and the huge seat and steel cargo rack.
me and dubba were not really on the best of terms over an incident that happened at the end of 9th grade. you can imagine my horror when i found out he was my class teacher. the real fault i had with dubba was that he had favorites, and i was definitely not on the list. in fact, i was convinced he hated me. we both had reason... luckily for me, i managed to go home and somehow convince my father i wanted to change classes, and he actually came to school and talked to mr. toppo, the vice principal and it was all done.

In the middle of this eventful first week of school, however, mr. lobo found time to heal me of a persistent cough i had. and very effectively too. its never come back since. mr. lobo was one of the teachers who'd been around for a long time and he taught physics. he was generally looked on as a harmless old man who could be teased easily. word on the classroom aisles was that it wouldn't do to piss him off however. I still remember he used to wear short sleeved shirts which used to generally be white with vertical stripes. And he had a paunch and greyish white hair that he combed to the side and a moustache. He also used to wear grey or dark brown slim boot cut pants and brown loafers and he walked slowly. It would always take him a while to get from the staffroom to the class.

Our classrooms in 10A, 10B, and 10C were in a row on the side of the quadrangle right outside the vice principal's office and below the principal's. It was done so that we would be less tempted to goof off. It worked, because we'd end up being chased inside our classrooms a lot. All three classrooms had really low roofs and the door was towards the back of the class. When you stood in the doorway, you'd see the last rows of benches and tables. We had an aisle in the middle of the classroom and benches and tables in rows all the way to the front of the class where there was a single desk and chair for the teacher and the blackboard. Opposite the door, all across the far wall were set huge square bay windows. The far end was open except for decorative metal grating and these windows could be closed up on the near side with wooden windows that had murky glass panes. We also had a single tubelight set in the ceiling. We used to have a lot of fun taking the little starter out of the tubelight and persuading the teacher there wasn't enough light in the class for us to see anything on the board. The students would sit three to a bench, according to height, and thankfully enough, I'd end up towards the back.

It was my first class with Mr. Lobo, and a first class with a new lecturer is always a time of testing. You always want to see how much you can get away with. In this case, I was sitting near the windows, in the second bench from the back and we were writing down stuff as Mr. Lobo dictated from his notes. During the course of the dictation, he drifted back and sat down on the last bench, near the aisle. I was in the middle of the next bench, with a friend next to me, and we were all bent over writing in our 200 hundred page ruled square notebooks.

All of a sudden, Mr. Lobo coughed. Immediately a smile blossomed on a few faces. There were a few furtive looks. Suddenly, a cough sounded in the back to my right. I waited. There was another cough to the front. Then I coughed. If you thought a yawn was contagious, you have no idea what a teacher's cough can do to a classroom of boys who are just waiting for an opportunity to goof off. Suddenly, it was as if the whole class erupted in a fit of coughing. We heard all kinds of congestion clearing up, from a simple sore throat to a deep hacking cough. In a matter of seconds, it petered out, with the final cough showing up somewhere in front of me. I didnt want it to end just yet. I decided I'd cough again. So i did, only it came out staggered, so it ended up sounding singly in the silence. "ahuh, ahuhh". satisfied, a smile began to make its way to my face.

BAM. Out of nowhere, a hand had come and slapped me across my right cheek. I looked up, in growing horror. Now it was a matter of finding out exactly how bad the punishment was going to be. I look around to hear "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE A FOOL OF ME?" Now was not the time for an answer. I could catch the look of horror on the faces of my classmates and friends. This was new to them too. There was no precedent in our short history together with Mr. Lobo on how to handle this situation. So I did the only sane thing. Kept my mouth shut. "GET OUT. GET OUT OF MY CLASS RIGHT NOW. AND YOU CANT SIT IN MY CLASS TILL YOU BRING YOUR FATHER TO SEE ME"

Getting out took only a manner of seconds, excruciatingly slow though they were. Now it was even more important that I get out of 10 A and into 10C. I knew he taught physics in 10B too. So I went home and told my father again that I needed to get out of 10A because Dubba hated me. By the end of the week, it was done. But they threw me into 10B instead. I kept my mouth shut and my head down and tried to blend into the dirty brown of the desk. It didnt work. Physics class rolled around and he asked me again to bring my father in. So I went home and told him about how the new physics teacher wanted to meet him. My dad happens to have a B.S. in physics. I put the whole spin on it. Nice physics teacher, physics is important, physics is good, i love physics, my teacher wants to meet you. All that. So my dad came to school, and they talked right in front of me. All Mr. Lobo said was," your son is a smart boy, but he needs to pay attention sometimes". Then my dad went home and all was good. I never had a problem with Mr. Lobo again. Needless to say, I was eternally grateful that he did not say a word to my father and he never had a problem with me. And that cough? It never afflicted me in his class again.

the real steel kaapi

Thursday, September 15, 2005
hung out with chetan and praveen on wednesday. we ate thai food and had a hankering for some real indian coffee. hit the madras cafe. even got the steel glass to go with the coffee. after a lot of soul searching, decided it wouldnt be right to order tea too.
the end.

flower of the cauvery

Friday, September 09, 2005

i was looking for an equivalent in tamil. i figured i'd ask a tamilian friend. it turned out better than i expected. i learned a lot more than i needed. especially since i made up everything about padma lakshmi

[05:51] zimblymallu: what's a word of affection in tamil?
[05:51] zimblymallu: like, say
[05:51] zimblymallu: thankamani?
[05:55] d. f. pandi: lol
[05:55] d. f. pandi: i dont know any such word
[05:56] zimblymallu: thangam - mani
[05:57] zimblymallu: gawd. exploit the language already
[05:57] d. f. pandi: lol. why ?
[05:57] zimblymallu: just for kix
[06:08] d. f. pandi: kixing whom ?
[06:08] zimblymallu: umm. nobody ?
[06:08] d. f. pandi: lol.
[06:08] d. f. pandi: am i being enough of a dip?
[06:09] zimblymallu: not really. but u want to come up with a nice tamilian term of endearment?
[06:09] d. f. pandi: why ?
[06:09] d. f. pandi: which tamil chick are you talking to ?
[06:09] zimblymallu: dude.
[06:10] zimblymallu: why would i be talkin to a tamil chick?
[06:10] zimblymallu: romba nalla pattu
[06:10] zimblymallu: did u see that video ?
[06:10] zimblymallu: mia
[06:17] d. f. pandi: yeah.
[06:17] d. f. pandi: i did
[06:17] d. f. pandi: lol.
[06:17] d. f. pandi: so why is it that you want a tamil endearment
[06:17] d. f. pandi: ?
[06:17] zimblymallu: romba nalla pattu
[06:18] zimblymallu: and i need something after that
[06:18] d. f. pandi: why why why ??
[06:18] d. f. pandi: tell me why ??
[06:18] d. f. pandi: does she look like padma lakshmi
[06:18] d. f. pandi: ??
[06:18] zimblymallu: nooooooooooooooooooooooo
[06:18] zimblymallu: dont tease me with the impossible
[06:19] d. f. pandi: lol.
[06:19] d. f. pandi: but shes one hottie though huh ?
[06:20] zimblymallu: ok. see. lets keep that in our mind
[06:20] zimblymallu: now. im talkin to padma lakshmi here,
[06:20] zimblymallu: and im like, hey my
[06:20] zimblymallu: .... /???/
[06:21] d. f. pandi: nice try
[06:21] d. f. pandi: i want to know why u need
[06:21] d. f. pandi: it in the firwst place..
[06:21] d. f. pandi: muahahaha1!!~!
[06:21] zimblymallu: fine. i met padma lakshmi at the hilton the other day
[06:21] zimblymallu: k.
[06:22] zimblymallu: i was there at this seminar and she happened to be in the lobby, so when i saw this cute indian woman, i walked over and said hi.
[06:22] zimblymallu: do u know about this awesome chicken and rice place thats right outside ur hotel
[06:22] d. f. pandi: and ..?
[06:23] zimblymallu: what and.?
[06:23] d. f. pandi: what happened after that ?
[06:23] zimblymallu: so we talked about how america's cool but not as cool as india
[06:23] zimblymallu: and stood in the line for chicken and rice and she really liked it.
[06:23] zimblymallu: and she's going back soon to shoot some movie, but before she leaves, we're hitting the chicken and rice place again
[06:23] d. f. pandi: and she happens to be tamilian ?
[06:23] zimblymallu: so i need that word
[06:24] d. f. pandi: shoot some movie ?
[06:24] zimblymallu: to throw into the conversation
[06:24] zimblymallu: umm. yeah
[06:24] d. f. pandi: ah, hm. you lucky luck duck (its not really duck, u know that, right...)
[06:24] d. f. pandi: how come u meet all the cuites
[06:24] zimblymallu: can u tell me the freakin word now
[06:24] d. f. pandi: and you just went and spoke to her just like that ?
[06:25] d. f. pandi: lol. hm, you could call her kunju mole ?
[06:25] d. f. pandi: oh damn thats mallu.
[06:25] zimblymallu: not mallu
[06:25] d. f. pandi: call her kanamma ..
[06:25] d. f. pandi: wait .. i'll talk to some proper tamil boys a and come back
[06:25] d. f. pandi: gimme 10
[06:25] zimblymallu: c'mon. that sounds cute? ?
[06:26] d. f. pandi: kanamma is beautiful .. its from this tamil poets poetry .. bharathiar
[06:26] d. f. pandi: or you could go ' paavi ' thats a sinner, the female form of the word ..
[06:27] d. f. pandi: like "adi paavi" we could go for dinner or something
[06:27] zimblymallu: hmmm.
[06:30] zimblymallu: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
[06:30] zimblymallu: are u still around?
[06:32] d. f. pandi: what was LOLLOL ???
[06:32] d. f. pandi: yeah i am
[06:32] d. f. pandi: all wasted bums here ..
[06:32] zimblymallu: oh. well.
[06:33] d. f. pandi: but tell me .. is this woman coming back to blore or something ?
[06:33] zimblymallu: i just made up that story
[06:33] zimblymallu: ahahahaahahahahahahahahahaahahhaa
[06:33] zimblymallu: i am currently rolling on the floor
[06:33] d. f. pandi: and i bought it.
[06:34] d. f. pandi: there isnt going to be any end to this is there ?


Monday, August 15, 2005
i was sitting at work when my phone rang. well, actually, it makes this nice little electronica space music thats never gets in the way of whatever's happening. i take a look and realize its a call from india. i pick up the phone and hear my sister on the line.
"we're lost. we're on dispensary road and we need to get to commercial street. how do i get there."
i'm thinking... dispensary road? i remember the name. then i think. hold on. im sitting here 3000 miles and 3 years away, and she wants me to remember the name of a street? strangely comforting that she thinks i've got perfect recall. but you've got to understand. i dont expect street signs in bangalore. i just know how to get where i have to go. from viveknagar to coxtown to banashankari 2nd stage to cornerhouse. (cornerhouse demands its own location on the map) well, i didnt know where it was. but google comes to the rescue again. i type in dispensary road and find this map. from there it was pretty simple. and that's how i got a box of bhagatram's burfi.

fair and lovely

Friday, July 22, 2005
found this post at Vikrum Sequeira's blog Vislumbres

had to chime in.

the results are in

for the ethics and blogging survey conducted by the Singapore Internet Research Center

View the results

preethialli dhamar agi bidbidthay

Tuesday, July 19, 2005
working in collaboration with pooja, we came up with the kannada remix of UB40's "Can't help falling in love with you"
this is an audio post - click to play

Sing along, lyrics below...

Wise men say, only fools rush in.
punta helthanay, goobe bega odtharay

But I can't help falling in love with you
andhre naanu nin preethialli dhamar agi bidbidthay

Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?
nan idbidla? adhu pappa agatha?

I can't help falling in love with you
naanu nin preethialli dhamar agi bidbidthay

As the river flows gently to the sea
kaveri heriyothara nidanakay samudra athra

Darling so we go, some things were meant to be
darrrrling, nadionna, solpa samaan hagaynay

Take my hand take my whole heart too
nan kay ethko, nan poorthi hridaya thoko

'Cause i can't help falling in love with you
andhre naanu nin preethialli dhamar agi bidbidthay

aside to mother earth

Friday, July 15, 2005
knocked blindside up on the techno revelry of the past. we rot and roll, pushed out of our shells and wondering at the pristine gore. laid out in morgue fashion, lost in the tepid scrawl of waxy black tar that spills over your furrows of clay.
i wonder at the images filling my head.
the stark black shutter stop click click click and off we go. running at break neck speed down the winds of tomorrow, we slide past grottos that hold secrets we will never grasp. lost amidst the insouciant wraps that clothe this world in green.


Thursday, June 30, 2005
Mallu Vocabulary Lesson 1

aiyo - an expression used to denote shock, horror and emotional or physical pain.
It is often used when something unfortunate happens and can be uttered either by the victim or by witnesses. To add authenticity to your mallu disguise, use aiyo whenever you stub a toe, burn your tongue on some hot coffee or get beat by your parents.
this is an audio post - click to play

Aiyo - aiyo


Aiyo kashtam - oh how sad...
aiyo daivame - oh my god
aiyo karthave - o christ...
aiyo njan oru arishta manushen - o wretched man that i am

Repeat after me


the music of the spheres

Tuesday, June 28, 2005
i love going to church.
inspiration strikes me here in the assembly of the saints. our anthem of praise a banner that floats on the winds of time. our songs of joy a foretelling of bliss to come. our cries of longing, the spirit's call for revelation.
i stood in church today and heard the love song for my savior. the chords filled the air as ordinary people took up the words. my voice wandered the throng that surrounded the throne of grace. blending into the melody that rises on this sunday morning, standing on the fringes of the joyous crowd, i am lost in the beauty of the song. yet again.

christianity is for ADULTS

Saturday, June 25, 2005
im tired too. of the vanilla flavor that permeates the knowledge of the holy. the washed down version of christ we portray on the stained glass windows of our soul. please. no more pink frilled sunday school classes full of beautiful pictures and g rated stories.
i want the sweat, the blood, the tears and grimy dirt in the corner of my eyes that tell me i'm bleeding and broken, splinters of the cross under my nails, sleeping in the garden of my gethsamane. tell me of the acrid sweat tinged air that surrounds a betraying kiss.
i wonder sometimes, when it was decided that the god of the little children could not handle growing up.

manjesh in america

Thursday, June 02, 2005

this post will probably be full of kannada references. in keeping with the situation. adhikay, kannada kalsbittu ba... (so, learn kannada...)

praveen and i showed up at the airport to pick up manjy. for once, we were early. so we spent the time looking at travellers and wondering if it was manjy. then we spent some time wandering the terminal looking for him. finally he showed up, and went straight to the phone booth. yeah. we were watching him go by and laughing the whole time. i wanted to take a photo, but praveen kept telling me i'd get arrested.
manjesh at the airport
manjy looks the same, but like most of us, men and women..., he's got himself a buddha belly.
so we drove him over to the hotel where he was staying.
manjesh and praveen at homestead inn
that whole hotel seemed to be populated by indians. after checking in, the first we noticed was the king size bed. yes, of course i asked him to pose on it. he seemed strangely reluctant. i want to know what he associates with a kingsize bed. oh, did i mention that it was the only bed. and he had a roommate showing up later. you would have to ask manjy if he was cute...
well, after eating some really good "sweets" that manjy carried all the way from bangalore, we settled down to the serious business of unpacking. manjy ate some too. thanks, raghu and preetham. i heard raghu did all the actual buying and preetham was managing... this hotel had a kitchen, so off we went to buy enough food to see him through the next few days.
in the lobby, we met this nice indian girl. so we asked her where the nearest indian store was. she said "goh straiiigggghhhhttt, take a laeft, you will come to circle. there are some shops there." man, immediate flashback to bangalore. yes, she was kannadiga. no. no pictures of strange indian women here. we managed to let her know that we knew kannada too, by talking to her in kannada.("oudha, neev ella bangalore indha...") then we found out she really didnt know too much about the place. so we went off to explore. picked up some food and a knife from a chinese supermarket. got back and decided to start cooking. praveen was in charge of the whole curry operation. i sat around looking good. like i usually do. manjesh kept on talking about how he knew cooking. turns out american kitchens are not like indian kitchens. puntaaaa.... excuses, excuses. then we figure out he doesnt know how to cook rice either. hahaha. so now praveen tells him. 1 cup rice, 1 and a half cups water. while praveen and i cut up the stuff, and throw it in the pot, we hear noises about showing him how to cook. instead of paying attention, manjy is busy putting his nonstick frying pan together. the one that he got for free when he bought another one. then he showed us how you dont need to put oil in a nonstick pan when cooking eggs. after scraping off the resulting mess, we made some more eggs and settled down to eat dinner.
cooking eggs
praveen will give you the recipe for the curry if you want. it was chickpeas, tomato paste, onions(?), whatever spices manjy brought( the hero brought sambhar powder, rasam powder and chili powder. what is the world coming to when indians dont know their spices... we threw them all in) and coconut milk. i think.
did i mention that a girl who works with him dropped by to say hi. far be it from me to say more. other than say that he went up to her room first. and she told him to come over the next day and learn cooking.
our kitchen dada did send an email about how he was really busy, didnt he...


Tuesday, May 31, 2005
pinned down by the glue
of my inadequacy
i strain against the skewer of
doubt that pierces my
and holds me fast on
a sea of glass
without wings to lend
impetus to my struggle
choking to death on a
surfeit of hope
i lie back and wait

balanced on the fulcrum
of mediocrity
my days pass in the
silence between
my ears
foreshadowed by hope,
weighed down by waiting
i seek cheap thrills,
lifting a foot, dancing
on the edge of my
seesaw of life

bushido mio

Monday, May 09, 2005
my entrails spill
on the altar
at the general's request
an offering

blood and guts
my reasonable sacrifice
an offering of love
torn out of me
day by day

praise falls
a scattershot of blood
forced, choking,
from my throat
it flows


Sunday, May 08, 2005
anger rips
through my
throat, caught
by my
the rage burns
in my wrists
forcing words
on paper
quicksilver fire
runs in my veins,
held back by the
lining of grace
here lies my
transmuted venom

back to the fold

i am undone, betrayed
by flesh and blood
grasping fingers, the
skeleton bones of my
past wont let me go
they hold me back,
cold grasp on my
cold hug for my
bleached ivory white
entwined in my palm
a jawbone whispers
in my ear

existence, anyone?

Thursday, May 05, 2005
Would you choose nonexistence?
To never have lived?
the whole thing started in the comments section of this post, when i took exception to a phrase uttered by jake
a separate thread seemed cleaner...

edit. jakespeak

introducing the konkani kiss master

Wednesday, May 04, 2005
also known as the mallu hridaya kallan (MHK)
or the brahmin beast of love.
the one and only dove raja.
will be, in collaboration with me, telling us how he wooed his one and only.
since he refuses to let me know anything about her, i have made it part of my mission to find out details and let the world know who actually got omkar's banner of love all over her...
If anybody has any information to contribute, do post it as a comment somewhere...
So far i've found out that she is from philly.
and he's only telling me good things about her.
a picture of our hindu brother

heena manu jananam

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

this is a malayalam post.
i heard a song that went like this. and i post this because i love the tune.

Heena manu jananam edutha
yesu raja nin samipay nilpu
etu koll avanay thalladhay x2

literally translated, it goes like this

weak, man incarnation/birth/form took
jesus king your side standing
closer inflict/take him dont push him away


the one who was incarnated as mortal man,
lord jesus, stands by your side
confess him, dont reject him.

It is not easy translating malayalam to english.

thoughts on organized religion

the insidious fear that keeps us bound to tradition betrays a lack of trust
we wonder what will happen if we let go of the familiar structure of our religion. if we stop, will god still love me?
will he still stay with me?
will we be lost, adrift abandoned by God after we have abandoned our religion?

everybody's guilty of this. those who embrace the rituals of denial by atheism and those of us who strive for holiness with our pure lives and never miss church attitudes.
if only we realized that god's love is predicated on nothing we do but on who he is.
what freedom.

on main street

Monday, May 02, 2005
the bleeding ribbons of my soul
flutter in the wind

left out to drift
and fall,
streamers, after a parade,
tossed aside by
in their
pounding frenzy

the wind whips by
lashing confetti

abandoned streets
darken to dusk
as the sweeper appears
picks up the
fragmented remains
and puts back together
a piñata,
treasure inside
a papiermaché man

weird mallus - thengapatti

Thursday, April 28, 2005

i can already see that this is a subject that is going to end up with a few posts at least. call this the mallu version of those milf videos. i find a mallu in a kerala chat room, and try to get the lyrics for the song nada nada by the band avial. if you want to try, follow the link and go to the music video. All i want is the lyrics. names have been changed to protect people from spam.

this is the man who wanted to shit me bloody...

[04:49] thengapatti: nallathu thanne
[04:49] zimblymallu: ok.
[04:49] zimblymallu: evidunna?
[04:49] thengapatti: ekm
[04:49] zimblymallu: ?
[04:50] thengapatti: ernakulam
[04:50] zimblymallu: oh.
[04:50] zimblymallu: ok.
[04:50] zimblymallu: how old are you?
[04:50] zimblymallu: old/young ?
[04:50] thengapatti: u?
[04:50] zimblymallu: im 25
[04:50] thengapatti: Young
[04:51] thengapatti: 27
[04:51] thengapatti: m/f
[04:51] zimblymallu: oh ok. cool.
[04:51] zimblymallu: im male, monay.
[04:51] zimblymallu: entho cheyana. sorry
[04:51] thengapatti: iam f mone
[04:52] zimblymallu: oh. ok. manoj.
[04:52] thengapatti: ok
[04:52] thengapatti: 8its my nick name
[04:53] zimblymallu: hmmmmmmm
[04:53] zimblymallu: yeah.
[04:53] zimblymallu: well. can you help me out?
[04:55] zimblymallu: aiyo. entho pati?
[04:56] thengapatti: para u
[04:56] zimblymallu: hehe.
[04:56] thengapatti: What help u want
[04:56] zimblymallu: well.t here is a song in malayalam and i dont know enough malayalam.
[04:56] zimblymallu: so i need some help with that.
[04:57] zimblymallu: to figure out the words, and maybe then i can put up the words on my blog.
[04:57] thengapatti: ok
[04:57] zimblymallu: ok. the site is at
[04:57] zimblymallu: its the music video nadanada original.
[04:57] thengapatti: Shit u Bloody
[04:57] zimblymallu: what?
[04:57] zimblymallu: shit me bloody?
[04:58] zimblymallu: :))
[04:58] zimblymallu: eda, njan serious a
[04:58] thengapatti: ok Clear it
[04:58] zimblymallu: clear what?
[04:59] thengapatti: for that name
[04:59] thengapatti: of the song
[04:59] zimblymallu: what do you mean?
[04:59] thengapatti: poda
[04:59] zimblymallu: do you want the link or something ?
[04:59] zimblymallu: the name of the song is nada nada
[04:59] zimblymallu: which i know means walk walk
[05:00] zimblymallu: it was done by a band called avvial.
[05:00] thengapatti: ?
[05:00] thengapatti: Please sent a photo
[05:01] zimblymallu: of what?
[05:01] zimblymallu: vattano?
[05:01] zimblymallu: its on the site.
[05:01] thengapatti: Its nice Adipoli songs
[05:01] thengapatti:
[05:02] zimblymallu: ok.
[05:02] zimblymallu: thats cool. now could you hook me up with the lyrics ?
[05:02] thengapatti: =;:o)
[05:02] zimblymallu: yeah...
[05:03] zimblymallu: i c how it is. lol
[05:03] thengapatti: ok

born on the battlefield

Tuesday, April 19, 2005
dropped in the mud,
breathing the foul effluvium of war
fighting from nativity
no respite, retreat or refuge

sam nikhil philip was at church for the weekend of 4/10. he talked about a lot of stuff, and the phrase 'born on the battlefield' stuck in my head.

if i ever wrote a song, the chorus just might be

born on the battlefield, dropped in the mud x2


Monday, March 28, 2005

Follow the link for more information :

Band members :
Sam Thomas John-Vocals
Moncy Abraham
Godson Gigin
Samuel Alexander

I found out about this after a conversation i had with moncy.
btw, he plays the most killer riffs and leads ever...
of particular interest to me was the fact that Sam "Throat" John is the screamer...oh for a chance to sing with them... hehe... when i show up in india next, im definitely going to jam with them.

i got a small preview via text message from moncy. he said...

[01:24] godguitar: our own comp called god-mode is one big hit around
here..wait till u hear it!
[01:24] zimblymallu: i saw u got four of them
[01:24] zimblymallu: def. going to come to one...
[01:24] godguitar: its madness

riven, risen

Sunday, March 27, 2005
reverse entropy
eternity sighs
earth moves aside, bows down, gives way

behold the God
the Son of Man
break free the sands of time

enthroned on high
as gifts rain down
an open grave, life, love and fire

christ is risen
he is risen indeed

a long day passes

Saturday, March 26, 2005
interminable waiting
a shabbos dawn
no rest today for the living or dead

take me home

more meditations on the subway platform.

i love standing on that platform.
i hate standing for extended periods of time with nothing to do. it wears me out.
i love standing on that platform watching trains come in, go out, go by.
the distant thunder on the rails, the rattling of the carriages, the sheer wall of sound that comes up to shelter you from the locomotive, i love it all. i love to see the train coming in, the cold wind blowing past my face, the waiting for the doors to open. and you're in. and the best way to travel on the subway is to lean on the doors. Why else would so many people do it? there is a fine art to it, a rhythm that takes you over, you step in and you stop. the train moves, and you lean back. the whole thing is done by body memory, you just keep doing whatever it is you usually do on the train, read, listen to your ipod, look around and avoid eye contact...

well, it took me this long to get to the "profound" part of the post. and im not going to use the train as a metaphor for God and how we should lean blah blah blah...those doors that open and close regularly spoil the accuracy of the comparison for me.

no, this is more of a meditation on the nature of my walk through life. prompted by my walk home during the morning rush. i get on the train, and i'm surrounded by people on their way downtown. rushing to work, reading the morning newspaper, thinking of the day ahead. am i the only one going home? it sure looks that way when im taking the stairs down to the platform. but i know that its not true... hidden in the press of people are others like me, all headed for home. the few, who found grace in the journey, and rest at the end.

lies here a God

Friday, March 25, 2005
Fade to black,
those eyes that look upon the face of God

today, forevermore,
blood rent earth,
the death of our separation

batman begins

Tuesday, March 22, 2005
its pretty cool to be working nights. its like you're at the eye of the hurricane, people walking up the escalators on the subway, rushing through the doors of the transit station, and all the while, you move cleanly through the press, walking your own path.

on the news today

Wednesday, March 16, 2005
There is a lady who waits in the mornings,at the subway entrance by madison and 53rd next to the salon, and hawks newspapers. I think she sells the metro. She's friendly and nice, greets people as they walk by and shouts out a headline once in a while to get a sale. The other day, I heard her cry out "OHsamuh Bin Laydennnnnn" and I could not help but glance at the newspapers she had in her hands.
Sometimes however, she cant win.
She just cant win.
Like today.
As I was walking up the stairs to the street, I saw her look at the newspaper to see if there was a headline worth shouting out. She sort of straightened up, got ready and said in that singsong
And then she trailed away to a stop.
She just gave up on the news today.
She didnt seem to be that motivated anymore.
Who could blame her, when the most exciting thing on the front page was about a man being rescued.
From a tree.

~subway artists

Thursday, February 24, 2005
saw them at
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

~subway artists
saw them at 53rd & madison playing 'i wanna b with u all nite...rock the night away'



A Leaf by Bronislaw Maj

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

A Leaf by Bronislaw Maj

A leaf, one of the last, parts from a maple branch:
it is spinning in the transparent air of October, falls
on a heap of others, stops, fades. No one
admired its entrancing struggle with the wind,
followed its flight, no one will distinguish it now
as it lies among the other leaves, no one saw
what I did. I am
the only one.

found the text at
its "enhanced" by PhotoImpression 5 which works great for a program that came with the digital camera cd. I didnt think I could make the picture look so clear.

ethics and blogging survey

Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Take the survey at
An Investigation of Ethical Practices and Beliefs Amongst Webloggers
The Singapore Internet Research Centre will have the results when the survey is over.
I got this via email. So help Andy Koh and his teammates out.
if you want to pass this around, here's the url to use in your emails.[--invitationid-

nada nada mallu rock music video

Friday, February 04, 2005
Watch a malayalam rock song by poor man productions
brought to us by jakespeak

considering that this is probably one of the few mallu rock song music videos in existence, i think it rocks.
I liked the shots of the houses and the rain and stuff. but i didn't get it.
what was with the guy running, the guy boxing and the girl on the toilet?
and all the air guitar and air drums and air banging...
Maybe if i get the lyrics.
If i do, i promise to learn the song and sing it for whoever wants to hear me.
nadanadanadanadanadanadanada (thats how mallus speak... ever seen a songbook? )
walk on.........

kandisa translation

Wednesday, February 02, 2005
It is aramaic, but clearly.

Kandisa Alahaye Kandisa Esana Aalam Balam Aalam, Amenu Aamen,

kadishat Allaha, kadishat Haylthana, l-'alam 'almin amin.

Holly God, Srongly God, for ewer Amen.
Sliha Mar Yose, Almaduba Kudisa, Aangen Dhanusa Nehave Dukharana,

Sliha Mar Yosef (?), Al Madbhakh (?) Kadisha, ----? , Nehwe Dukhrana

Apostle St. Joseh (?) on your Holy Altar (?) ---- ? it might be memory

Kandia Alaha Kandisa Esana Kandisa La Ma Yosa Isaraha Malem

Kadishat Allaha, Kadishat Haylthana, kadishat la mayutha, ethraham 'layn.

Holly God, holly strongly, holly not be died, be mercy for me.

Sorry my english is not good.

This is a old sang or pray in the Syrian church. It saed, that the Engel teached Nikodemos during the funnary of Christ to sing it.


Gabriel Rabo

That is the email i got from Gabriel Rabo, who is a really nice guy for doing this. I will not make any changes to the english. The fact that he replied makes it beautiful. Also mad thanks to jakespeak, because I'd never have heard this song otherwise.

kandisa - indian ocean

Tuesday, February 01, 2005
indian ocean has a song called kandisa that i really like.
Its in aramaic.
The lyrics are

"Kandisa Alahaye Kandisa Esana Aalam Balam Aalam, Amenu Aamen,
Sliha Mar Yose, Almaduba Kudisa, Aangen Dhanusa Nehave Dukharana, Kandia Alaha Kandisa Esana Kandisa La Ma Yosa Isaraha Malem"

inviting translation...
posted by Anetra at sulekha
the song is a traditional prayer sung by syrian christians in kerala. It was, anyway. If anybody has more information, share.
kandisa means praise.

terrified by love

Saturday, January 29, 2005
found one of the reasons im not a very good christian.
I'm terrified by love.
I was doing something mundane and felt my soul twitch. turned around for a glimpe of the eldritch and felt the gaze of love. A long deep dark longing that made me want to dive in and lose myself. the semblance of the deeps of heaven and the stars across the void. It was like the eye of God looked into my soul and laid my desire bare. ran a finger down my shuddering soul and waited.
I ran for my life. shut the door. closed my eyes and pulled the covers up. hyperventilated.
My lover spoke well,"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
And so i creep back to wait by that window to the heavens, watching for another glance. Holding the tenuous cloth of faith in my blood stained hands. tracing stutter steps across the path of virtue.
what blind unreasoning fear grips us in those moments when we are naked before deity that we try to hide?
here i sit, singing the siren call of longing.
oh. for one more glimpse of eternity.


Friday, January 28, 2005

eclair, originally uploaded by zimblymallu.

What indian sweet are you?
Without using quizilla, I have determined that if i'm candy, I'd be cadbury's eclairs.
You are sweet on the inside and a treat to chew on. Everyone knows you are brown like the chocolate and sticky like the caramel. You get to places in people's mouths where they have to lick a lot to get you out.

my muslim friend

heard Sammy Tanagho the other day, talking about
"Glad News! God Loves you my muslim friend" Published by Calvary Chapel.
I couldn't find a link to buy his book online. Not that I looked very hard. I did find a .ram file of his sermon "how to witness to muslims"
What caught my attention while he was talking was the phrase "For in him we live and move and have our being". It was actually a quote that Paul used from the writings of Epiminedes.
Tanagho was talking about finding a point of contact between cultures and presenting christ. So get over the ignorance.
Allahu Akbar

mowgli 2000

pramod, originally uploaded by zimblymallu.

once upon a time, in a land far, far away...

vulture without culture

Thursday, January 27, 2005
Mr. Keerthy (bonda... we called him) used to say "If you have no culture, you're a vulture".
After all these years, that and "Don't be cold, be bold" are all i remember about his classes. Well, all he did for my classes was substitute and spend the whole period catching various kids and coming up with weird phrases to tell them. The culture vulture thing stuck. If anybody remembers more phrases, please post them.

my issue however, is not with the term "culture vulture". Even though i find it extremely upsetting to my stomach, I can deal with the fact that people use it

i have a problem with malayalee pentecostal culture. maybe i'm a mimic man. read v.s. naipaul...
or maybe i'm like moses trying to leave egypt and rediscover his jewish heritage. i wonder if moses ever felt like this around the israelites. Am I supposed to be the guardian of mallu culture? Shouldn't I be conforming to "godly culture". Does God have a culture?

music, art, writing, dance, drama. commonly used as outlets to express cultural heritage.

We have music. lots and lots of music. I love singing those old mallu songs from the song book. i have this "manglish" songbook to sing from, "Athmeeya geethavali" and its great. Especially when you dont know how to pronounce some of those words. And as part of our culture, we play these songs at weddings, and sing them when we gather and parody them and write new ones.

No, we dont have any art floating around. Somehow artists dont enjoy a prominent place in our society. I'll lump architecture in here too, because we usually just put up 4 walls and a ceiling and we're good to go. I like that tendency because it puts the emphasis on the people instead of the building. Maybe we will see artists in the future.

Our literary efforts seem limited to biographies, commentaries and theses. Maybe we need to get articles going in "good news" and "hallelujah" and "trumpet"(couldn't find any links)... short stories, and poetry. and not the sub par moralistic plagiarism that usually gets printed in lieu.

LOL about dance. I think almost all indians see dance as something for the gods. and we seem to have cut dance totally out of our lives... It should be said that malayalees have a lot of folk dances, and all of them are gender exclusive. Which is why you'll never see me doing the kathakali with my wife. And because I'm shy.

if you're a mallu pente and you're reading this, i'm only going to ask you if you've seen a skit on repentance or the second coming. This is not to say that people aren't coming up with other ideas, but a lot of our skits and plays are rehashed time and again. How important is drama to us? Is there a stigma attached to being actors? Oh. wait. yes.

the diaspora has circled the world, and we are here to stay. serve kappa and meen for hor'd ourves. rock those mallu beats. tha tharigada tha tharigada. and work those bharatnatyam moves to "this is the day"

conan the hilarious

Wednesday, January 19, 2005
writer andy blitz goes to india when he needs to fix his computer.
fix that popup

if you want to see more conan videos that are legally posted on their website. check out more conan. i knew it wasnt just his rugged good looks.


Monday, January 17, 2005
chaya, just sip it.

the dawn of indie mallu movies.

translating james into malayalam

Monday, January 10, 2005
there is no word for james. in malayalam.
only yakob. which actually means jacob.
i think we should change it to yamiyaer.

we already have a yakob in the bible. jacob. why should we use yakob for james too? lets change it to yamiyaer.
think about it. say this out loud...
yamiyaer inte pustakam onninte pathu...
yamiyaer um yohannan um prarthikan poyappam...

if you want a "pet name"/"short name" for yamiyaer, you can call him jems...
like how my name is thomson and my family calls me pramod.

so i found a place online where they have the bible in malayalam.
the word, with the little i know starts off sounding like pustaka(kazcha)?
the rounded spaceship figure is pronounced ka.... notice how the similar figures appear side by side.. kakairaphi? kakairipam? i cant read the last part... havent learned conjugated letters yet. it'll happen tho.


just how do you pronouce that word? out loud.

i had the greatest difficulty reading this out loud in church. i rarely read out loud in church. and it was my dad speaking. this time i thought i'd go for it, since it was friday night at charles' house, and not a whole lot of people were there. not coz im shy, jst giving other people a chance. it was the verse with 200 cows, 30 bulls, 50 donkeys etc... and there had to be 200 ewes...
so i see it and it suddenly pops into my head that it sounds jst like ewwwww
unfortunately, i'm already committed and i have to finish reading. so i'm reading
two hundred female goats
and twenty male goats,
two hundred ewes and i start spluttering, trying not to laugh out loud, coz pastor philip philip is sitting there and i dont need to get into more shit with him... and this was even before i started growing my hair.
i just hit a mental brick wall right there. it was like an ewe came and kicked me in the head.
i could not say that word for the life of me without laughing...finally, i limped through the rest of the verse, and it was never mentioned again.

i think we need to change the pronounciation to evays.
ewe references in the bible.
lol. read them aloud.

The Donkey, The Stallion and the Strategy of the Hills

i found this story while browsing
its a retelling of the promise of apocalypse. and the gift of forgiveness before.
Though arrogance and rage assail
Conspiracy will not prevail.
In death recall unerringly
That you will always reign with me.

it must have been the stylistic rendering that drew me into the story. or that last line... waiting, waiting, waiting. i'm waiting too.

reality check, entrepreneur

Sunday, January 09, 2005
for all those looking to get some capital funding and more...

here's Guy Kawasaki on the upstart art
You can get all the hype from the video. it's moving up the best seller lists and it should have some good info if the video's anything to go by.
If you're not going to buy the book, watch the interview...


Tuesday, January 04, 2005
you know how a lot of malayalee christians say sothram all the time.
( for all the non mallu christians, sothram is how sthothram sounds. sthothram is pronounced ssthothrum - sss from snake, th from thick, o from raw, thrum like thrum... you kinda swallow the first th.. so it comes out sothram sothram ...
sthothram is the malayalee word for praise)

got me thinking...

don't these people say sothram all the time. like its a chant... to keep the devil away and praise god.

and then i thought about how people say oh god all the time too. the english equivalent.

since i happened to be discussing sexuality at the time, it seemed natural to wonder how oh god gets used...
and i wondered if ppl say sothram the same way...

sothram sothram sothram sothram sothram soTHRAm soTHRAm SOTHRAM SOTHRAM SOTHRAM

i hope all of you forget about this by the time you're in church and you hear all the sothrams.
jst making a comment about how even the best things can become meaningless and then ridiculous.