terrified by love

Saturday, January 29, 2005
found one of the reasons im not a very good christian.
I'm terrified by love.
I was doing something mundane and felt my soul twitch. turned around for a glimpe of the eldritch and felt the gaze of love. A long deep dark longing that made me want to dive in and lose myself. the semblance of the deeps of heaven and the stars across the void. It was like the eye of God looked into my soul and laid my desire bare. ran a finger down my shuddering soul and waited.
I ran for my life. shut the door. closed my eyes and pulled the covers up. hyperventilated.
My lover spoke well,"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
And so i creep back to wait by that window to the heavens, watching for another glance. Holding the tenuous cloth of faith in my blood stained hands. tracing stutter steps across the path of virtue.
what blind unreasoning fear grips us in those moments when we are naked before deity that we try to hide?
here i sit, singing the siren call of longing.
oh. for one more glimpse of eternity.


Friday, January 28, 2005

eclair, originally uploaded by zimblymallu.

What indian sweet are you?
Without using quizilla, I have determined that if i'm candy, I'd be cadbury's eclairs.
You are sweet on the inside and a treat to chew on. Everyone knows you are brown like the chocolate and sticky like the caramel. You get to places in people's mouths where they have to lick a lot to get you out.

my muslim friend

heard Sammy Tanagho the other day, talking about
"Glad News! God Loves you my muslim friend" Published by Calvary Chapel.
I couldn't find a link to buy his book online. Not that I looked very hard. I did find a .ram file of his sermon "how to witness to muslims"
What caught my attention while he was talking was the phrase "For in him we live and move and have our being". It was actually a quote that Paul used from the writings of Epiminedes.
Tanagho was talking about finding a point of contact between cultures and presenting christ. So get over the ignorance.
Allahu Akbar

mowgli 2000

pramod, originally uploaded by zimblymallu.

once upon a time, in a land far, far away...

vulture without culture

Thursday, January 27, 2005
Mr. Keerthy (bonda... we called him) used to say "If you have no culture, you're a vulture".
After all these years, that and "Don't be cold, be bold" are all i remember about his classes. Well, all he did for my classes was substitute and spend the whole period catching various kids and coming up with weird phrases to tell them. The culture vulture thing stuck. If anybody remembers more phrases, please post them.

my issue however, is not with the term "culture vulture". Even though i find it extremely upsetting to my stomach, I can deal with the fact that people use it

i have a problem with malayalee pentecostal culture. maybe i'm a mimic man. read v.s. naipaul...
or maybe i'm like moses trying to leave egypt and rediscover his jewish heritage. i wonder if moses ever felt like this around the israelites. Am I supposed to be the guardian of mallu culture? Shouldn't I be conforming to "godly culture". Does God have a culture?

music, art, writing, dance, drama. commonly used as outlets to express cultural heritage.

We have music. lots and lots of music. I love singing those old mallu songs from the song book. i have this "manglish" songbook to sing from, "Athmeeya geethavali" and its great. Especially when you dont know how to pronounce some of those words. And as part of our culture, we play these songs at weddings, and sing them when we gather and parody them and write new ones.

No, we dont have any art floating around. Somehow artists dont enjoy a prominent place in our society. I'll lump architecture in here too, because we usually just put up 4 walls and a ceiling and we're good to go. I like that tendency because it puts the emphasis on the people instead of the building. Maybe we will see artists in the future.

Our literary efforts seem limited to biographies, commentaries and theses. Maybe we need to get articles going in "good news" and "hallelujah" and "trumpet"(couldn't find any links)... short stories, and poetry. and not the sub par moralistic plagiarism that usually gets printed in lieu.

LOL about dance. I think almost all indians see dance as something for the gods. and we seem to have cut dance totally out of our lives... It should be said that malayalees have a lot of folk dances, and all of them are gender exclusive. Which is why you'll never see me doing the kathakali with my wife. And because I'm shy.

if you're a mallu pente and you're reading this, i'm only going to ask you if you've seen a skit on repentance or the second coming. This is not to say that people aren't coming up with other ideas, but a lot of our skits and plays are rehashed time and again. How important is drama to us? Is there a stigma attached to being actors? Oh. wait. yes.

the diaspora has circled the world, and we are here to stay. serve kappa and meen for hor'd ourves. rock those mallu beats. tha tharigada tha tharigada. and work those bharatnatyam moves to "this is the day"

conan the hilarious

Wednesday, January 19, 2005
writer andy blitz goes to india when he needs to fix his computer.
fix that popup

if you want to see more conan videos that are legally posted on their website. check out more conan. i knew it wasnt just his rugged good looks.


Monday, January 17, 2005
chaya, just sip it.

the dawn of indie mallu movies.

translating james into malayalam

Monday, January 10, 2005
there is no word for james. in malayalam.
only yakob. which actually means jacob.
i think we should change it to yamiyaer.

we already have a yakob in the bible. jacob. why should we use yakob for james too? lets change it to yamiyaer.
think about it. say this out loud...
yamiyaer inte pustakam onninte pathu...
yamiyaer um yohannan um prarthikan poyappam...

if you want a "pet name"/"short name" for yamiyaer, you can call him jems...
like how my name is thomson and my family calls me pramod.

so i found a place online where they have the bible in malayalam.
the word, with the little i know starts off sounding like pustaka(kazcha)?
the rounded spaceship figure is pronounced ka.... notice how the similar figures appear side by side.. kakairaphi? kakairipam? i cant read the last part... havent learned conjugated letters yet. it'll happen tho.


just how do you pronouce that word? out loud.

i had the greatest difficulty reading this out loud in church. i rarely read out loud in church. and it was my dad speaking. this time i thought i'd go for it, since it was friday night at charles' house, and not a whole lot of people were there. not coz im shy, jst giving other people a chance. it was the verse with 200 cows, 30 bulls, 50 donkeys etc... and there had to be 200 ewes...
so i see it and it suddenly pops into my head that it sounds jst like ewwwww
unfortunately, i'm already committed and i have to finish reading. so i'm reading
two hundred female goats
and twenty male goats,
two hundred ewes and i start spluttering, trying not to laugh out loud, coz pastor philip philip is sitting there and i dont need to get into more shit with him... and this was even before i started growing my hair.
i just hit a mental brick wall right there. it was like an ewe came and kicked me in the head.
i could not say that word for the life of me without laughing...finally, i limped through the rest of the verse, and it was never mentioned again.

i think we need to change the pronounciation to evays.
ewe references in the bible.
lol. read them aloud.

The Donkey, The Stallion and the Strategy of the Hills

i found this story while browsing DesiringGod.org
its a retelling of the promise of apocalypse. and the gift of forgiveness before.
Though arrogance and rage assail
Conspiracy will not prevail.
In death recall unerringly
That you will always reign with me.

it must have been the stylistic rendering that drew me into the story. or that last line... waiting, waiting, waiting. i'm waiting too.

reality check, entrepreneur

Sunday, January 09, 2005
for all those looking to get some capital funding and more...

here's Guy Kawasaki on the upstart art
You can get all the hype from the video. it's moving up the best seller lists and it should have some good info if the video's anything to go by.
If you're not going to buy the book, watch the interview...


Tuesday, January 04, 2005
you know how a lot of malayalee christians say sothram all the time.
( for all the non mallu christians, sothram is how sthothram sounds. sthothram is pronounced ssthothrum - sss from snake, th from thick, o from raw, thrum like thrum... you kinda swallow the first th.. so it comes out sothram sothram ...
sthothram is the malayalee word for praise)

got me thinking...

don't these people say sothram all the time. like its a chant... to keep the devil away and praise god.

and then i thought about how people say oh god all the time too. the english equivalent.

since i happened to be discussing sexuality at the time, it seemed natural to wonder how oh god gets used...
and i wondered if ppl say sothram the same way...

sothram sothram sothram sothram sothram soTHRAm soTHRAm SOTHRAM SOTHRAM SOTHRAM

i hope all of you forget about this by the time you're in church and you hear all the sothrams.
jst making a comment about how even the best things can become meaningless and then ridiculous.