found one of the reasons im not a very good christian.
I'm terrified by love.
I was doing something mundane and felt my soul twitch. turned around for a glimpe of the eldritch and felt the gaze of love. A long deep dark longing that made me want to dive in and lose myself. the semblance of the deeps of heaven and the stars across the void. It was like the eye of God looked into my soul and laid my desire bare. ran a finger down my shuddering soul and waited.
I ran for my life. shut the door. closed my eyes and pulled the covers up. hyperventilated.
My lover spoke well,"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
And so i creep back to wait by that window to the heavens, watching for another glance. Holding the tenuous cloth of faith in my blood stained hands. tracing stutter steps across the path of virtue.
what blind unreasoning fear grips us in those moments when we are naked before deity that we try to hide?
here i sit, singing the siren call of longing.
oh. for one more glimpse of eternity.