water vs toilet paper

Thursday, December 23, 2004
since i'm probably going to india in the summer of '05,
a very important question has begun to arise.
will there be toilet paper in india for me to use. or will i have to use water.

im undecided on this issue. call my personal hygiene into question if you will, but if i have to use water, i'll use water. if there's toilet paper around, watch me swipe.
the only issue that remains is that i would have to get my ass clean when i shower.
here's another article at Rolf Potts' vagabonding
i remember a conversation i had about this with two friends while standing at 'upahara sagar' and eating vada sambhar(i think) and drinking chai.
friend 1,"you use toilet paper in the u.s. dont you? snigger..."
me,"yeah, its what everybody does there."
friend 1,"so how do you actually do it? you jst take some paper and wipe your ass? hehe what man, that is crazy..."
me,"yeah, you jst take it and wipe your ass, jst like when you use water, but with soft paper instead."
friend 2,"ewww, thats disgusting, how can you do that. how will it be clean there?"
me,"you wipe carefully. and a few times to make sure you didnt miss anything."
friend 1,"oh man, that is just dirty. no water, nothing... "
friend 2,"and this is what you do there.... hahahahaha"

recently i had another conversation, only it turned out differently.
person 1,"ewww, i dont want to go to india, i hope they have toilet paper there now."
me," haha, whats wrong with using water?"
person 1,"ewww, you have to use water, its so wet, and messy, and you have to wipe your ass with your hand, and get the shit all over it."

in passing, let me mention, that like all indian customs which use the hand, there is a technique. no, im not offering to teach. i will say that you dont want to get in there and scratch the shit away, you want to lightly flick/rub it off as water pours over the general area in a thin stream. isnt there poetry in a clean butt speckled with beads of water? and you can be pretty sure there wont be an aroma either.

i would think its a better way to go in hotter climes. either way, everybody i know is real big on making sure you wash your hands with soap after... so dont forget that.

the future for now seems to be baby wipes. a wonderful compromise, for those who can afford to buy them in bulk. there doesnt seem to be a way to use them easily however. if it was on the toilet paper dispenser, in a roll, it would dry up quickly... and who wants to open up an air tight box everytime you want to wipe. read will smith on what scares him more than technology

and so america waits for another brave man to bring to the public the joy of an asian ass wipe.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

There man you just made my day. I am all enlightened now. to wipe or not to wipe, ah sir is that the question ? LOL!